We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog post programming to bring you this BREAKING NEWS REPORT . . . .
According to eyewitness accounts, a recent rash of blog hijackings have been carried out by an elderly but feisty female described to us only as, ‘Granny.’
Please read this alert and check your blog immediately for these signs of a Granny hijacking:
- Bland blog posts. Too much variety or spice in her reading diet gives Granny the burps, so a hijacked blog will be notably free of salty rant posts, savory list articles, and snappy reviews.
- Syrupy images. Granny loves pictures of smiling people smelling daisies and cuddly little puppies tumbling in the grass. In fact, she loves them so much that she attaches a sticky sweet photo to every single post.
- Sporadic updates. Regularity is a problem for Granny in more ways than one, so be on the lookout for an infrequent posting pattern on your blog.
- Blaring videos. Those blasting intros on your videos might curl visitors’ ears, but Granny sets the volume on hijacked blogs just where she likes it for Wheel of Fortune.
- Paltry Promotion. Nothing gets on Granny’s nerves like people Tweeting their business all over the world. And calling attention to yourself by guest posting or commenting on other blogs? Well, don’t expect to find any of that cheekiness where she’s in charge!
- Humdrum headlines. Granny doesn’t like a lot of people sniffing about, so you’ll find no enticing headlines drawing a curious crowd to your online door.
- Dusty sidebar. Would a woman who’s had the same sofa and drapes since 1948 spruce up your sidebar with new ads and fresh content links? Heavens no! As far as Granny’s concerned, your sidebar will look just as spiffy 20 years from now as it does today.
Please examine your blog at once for evidence of these hijacking hi-jinks.
Should you discover that your blog has, indeed, been hijacked by Granny, please seek immediate assistance in the comment section of this post.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post programming . . . .