7 Signs That Granny Hijacked Your Blog

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog post programming to bring you this BREAKING NEWS REPORT . . . .

According to eyewitness accounts, a recent rash of blog hijackings have been carried out by an elderly but feisty female described to us only as, ‘Granny.’

Please read this alert and check your blog immediately for these signs of a Granny hijacking:

  1. Bland blog posts. Too much variety or spice in her reading diet gives Granny the burps, so a hijacked blog will be notably free of salty rant posts, savory list articles, and snappy reviews.
  2. Syrupy images. Granny loves pictures of smiling people smelling daisies and cuddly little puppies tumbling in the grass. In fact, she loves them so much that she attaches a sticky sweet photo to every single post.
  3. Sporadic updates. Regularity is a problem for Granny in more ways than one, so be on the lookout for an infrequent posting pattern on your blog.
  4. Blaring videos. Those blasting intros on your videos might curl visitors’ ears, but Granny sets the volume on hijacked blogs just where she likes it for Wheel of Fortune.
  5. Paltry Promotion. Nothing gets on Granny’s nerves like people Tweeting their business all over the world. And calling attention to yourself by guest posting or commenting on other blogs? Well, don’t expect to find any of that cheekiness where she’s in charge!
  6. Humdrum headlines. Granny doesn’t like a lot of people sniffing about, so you’ll find no enticing headlines drawing a curious crowd to your online door.
  7. Dusty sidebar. Would a woman who’s had the same sofa and drapes since 1948 spruce up your sidebar with new ads and fresh content links? Heavens no! As far as Granny’s concerned, your  sidebar will look just as spiffy 20 years from now as it does today.

Please examine your blog at once for evidence of these hijacking hi-jinks.

Should you discover that your blog has, indeed, been hijacked by Granny, please seek immediate assistance in the comment section of this post.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post programming . . . .

96 Responses to 7 Signs That Granny Hijacked Your Blog

  1. TheInfoPreneur June 23, 2010 at 12:10 pm #

    Heee- Whooo! Now you are rolling, and yep…guilty of having blaring videos. I've tried to ratchet it down a bit for the TIP's. :)

    You had me with the word Granny, Jean.

    take care,
    Brandon

  2. Alamin June 23, 2010 at 12:26 pm #

    Hmmmmmmmmmmm, understand i have checked it on myself luckily i am not another Granny!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. John Soares June 23, 2010 at 1:35 pm #

    Very funny Jean! I do know a couple of grannies that write great blogs, though.

    I'll send 'em here…

  4. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 1:38 pm #

    Hopefully they won't make me watch Wheel of Fortune. Anything but that :)

  5. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 1:38 pm #

    Yeah, you're off the hook. No Granny hijacking going on over at your blog.

  6. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 1:39 pm #

    Yeah, my ears did curl a little bit over those intros, Brandon :) That's okay though because there's always good stuff afterwards.

  7. Joe Boyle June 23, 2010 at 2:06 pm #

    HAHA!!! Way to give me a few laughs! Awesome post! I could definitely see my 80 year old grandmother being the culprit *wink wink*.

    Great post 😀

  8. Mars Dorian June 23, 2010 at 2:45 pm #

    oh oh,
    poor grannies. They want to blog too;)
    Better keep my momentum going, or I end up like them.
    Not going to happen.

  9. Rob June 23, 2010 at 3:01 pm #

    This is great, Jean. I think I have to spiff up my sidebar

  10. Dev | Technshare June 23, 2010 at 3:13 pm #

    Jean

    hahahahaha, Nice Post :D. Jean. Really very funny. Thanks for sharing this great post. 😀

  11. kiesha_WeBlogBetter June 23, 2010 at 3:13 pm #

    LOL!!!! I'm super guilty of having dusty sidebars. There's stuff that's still there from the former owner that I've been meaning to get rid of, but just haven't gotten around to it.
    Thanks for this funny and engaging read.

  12. Eric June 23, 2010 at 3:18 pm #

    Lol this is a good one and I think my blog still needs some work done with it's style actually.

    What do you think?

  13. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 3:42 pm #

    Thanks, Joe. As I was writing this I was noticing a few places on my own blog where Granny has been trying to take over. Oops. :)

  14. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 3:48 pm #

    I think I'll set up a Blogger blog so that Granny can blog there and leave us alone. I can verify that Granny most definitely has not hijacked your blog, Mars.

  15. Kari Wolfe June 23, 2010 at 3:48 pm #

    Cute, Jean :) I remember the days that having music playing on your website was “cool”–now I can't stand it, unless it's a music or a band website, then the off button better be obvious. But blaring videos playing immediately as the page loads… ugh. :)

  16. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 3:49 pm #

    Hi Rob. Granny said to tell you that your sidebar looks adorable just the way it is :)

  17. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 3:56 pm #

    Hey Dev. We've all been working so hard lately I figured we could use a laugh :)

  18. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

    Well, Kiesha, that sidebar will look perfectly fine 20 years from now too :) Meanwhile, I've got some Pledge laying around here somewhere I can lend you . . .

  19. Karen Ruby June 23, 2010 at 4:07 pm #

    Hehehe.

    Hey, what's wrong with pictures of smiling people smelling daisies and cuddly little puppies tumbling in the grass? What have you got against puppies, Jean?? :-)

  20. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 4:11 pm #

    You've made some excellent changes already, Eric. I'd love to see a custom header image/logo to top it all off. I never realized the difference that makes until I finally got one.

  21. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 4:23 pm #

    I got hit with a blaring sales video the other day when I opened a page, and my hearing hasn't quite recovered yet :) I couldn't help but wonder how anyone would think that was a good idea?

  22. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 4:24 pm #

    Oh, it was my cats that made me write in that line about the puppies, Karen. They think there are entirely too many puppies getting attention.

  23. Angela Artemis June 23, 2010 at 5:04 pm #

    I love this! Granny's been to my house for sure.
    Time to take the wet stockings down from the shower curtain and send her packing.
    Thanks Jean.

  24. annahaller June 23, 2010 at 5:13 pm #

    Ha ha that was a funny read Jean but you got some good points in there too! I'll have to make sure my blog doesn't fall victim to these:)

    Anna

  25. prolificliving June 23, 2010 at 6:17 pm #

    You are very funny, Jean – and I thought for sure it is your grandma that has hijacked your blog and read it initially in all seriousness ;)!
    Alright, I will be wary of all these – but we'll keep an eye on you to make sure you follow your own advice!!!! :)

  26. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 6:47 pm #

    Yeah, that Granny has a way of getting around. If she does do a full-on hijacking of my blog I hope she bakes some treats first.

  27. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 6:48 pm #

    We all tend to let things get a little stale now and again if we don't stay on our toes. Poor Granny just isn't welcome around our blogs though :)

  28. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 6:50 pm #

    Yeah, you'd better keep an eye on me because after that backsliding blogger confessional we all know how good I am at taking my advice :)

  29. Keith June 23, 2010 at 8:24 pm #

    Nice one Jean
    I've checked my posts and so far so good.
    I'll carry out regular checks and report back.
    We must keep that granny on the run.

  30. Dia June 23, 2010 at 8:50 pm #

    Nice post Jean and funny at the same time :) Nice tips, I will make sure that mine doesn't get hijacked by a granny lol

  31. Zengirl @ heart and mind June 23, 2010 at 9:00 pm #

    Jean,

    You have humorous side! Neat.

    According to your 7 signs, I can be Granny blogger. :-) I blog once or twice a week between my kids tantrum, my tantrums and other silly things in my life! and I love cutsy pictures of kids, puppies, flowers too. welcome to my Granny blog, thanks jean for making me old at sweet 21 only. sic!!

  32. matthewneedham June 23, 2010 at 9:06 pm #

    Excellent post Jean! Hopefully no sign of Grannies yet!

  33. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 9:23 pm #

    I don't think Granny's been anywhere near your blog with all you have going on there! I am sadly delinquent at keeping up with all the great things you have going on!

  34. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 9:25 pm #

    Well, now that I've seen your picture I know for sure you're not a Granny blogger :) I only post 2-3 times a week myself too, so we're good there. Or so says me :) I'll give you a bad time if you start showing pictures of puppies sniffing daisies though!

  35. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 9:25 pm #

    Hi Dia. I'll help you keep a watch to avoid a takeover :)

  36. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 9:28 pm #

    Hi Keith. We'd better not get Granny running too fast or she might keel over, and that wouldn't be good :)

  37. Sally_Neill June 23, 2010 at 9:51 pm #

    Hey Jean,

    Ok Ok I have the sporadic blogs posts, I can't help it, I cannot force my creative juices to flow on a regular basis, it comes in bursts.

    I will soon be moving to scheduled posts, in the hope I can be more regular, like my granny after she has a tin of prunes!

    Sally :)

  38. virginbloggernotes June 23, 2010 at 10:29 pm #

    Same here, Sally. Even though I write on a scheduled basis, there are times that I just proof or do some revisions because the creative spark just isn't there.

  39. Chloe Adeline June 23, 2010 at 11:12 pm #

    Omg Jean, I love you!

  40. Simon Hay Healer June 24, 2010 at 12:49 am #

    You hooked me with the title! I'm off to dye my hair blue and play bridge.

  41. virginbloggernotes June 24, 2010 at 1:01 am #

    I love you too, silly rabbit :)

  42. virginbloggernotes June 24, 2010 at 1:01 am #

    Oh Simon, you are going to look so spiffy with that blue hair.

  43. Kim June 24, 2010 at 1:43 am #

    You crack me up, Jean!

  44. virginbloggernotes June 24, 2010 at 2:07 am #

    Cracking up is good for the soul :)

  45. Zengirl @ heart and mind June 24, 2010 at 2:22 am #

    Jean,

    I will try not to show too many cutesy pictures, just a one or two and that too occasionally:-) I know I could have gotten away yesterday being granny, damm this picture, it said too much!

    I loved my granny (both sides) so I would not mind being like them. Would they have blogged? I doubt it. But they were story tellers in old fashioned way! I miss them.

  46. virginbloggernotes June 24, 2010 at 2:45 am #

    Maybe you can start a zengranny blog :) That has sort of a nice sound to it, don't you think? I miss my granny's too. Both spoiled me rotten and I loved to listen to them talk. We're lucky to have our memories!

  47. Vince June 24, 2010 at 8:26 am #

    Hi Jean Granpa calling….
    I hold my hand up, the learning curve I am in at the moment means that one slight change to my blogg can end up taking a day or more!!!. Sorradic posting is somthing old grandpa here has a problem with to the old memory is fading…. The video is a dream at the moment…
    Great post
    Vince

  48. Louis June 24, 2010 at 10:08 am #

    Hmmmm … The title intrigued me to read further. I need to watch out for 1. and 3.

    – Louis

  49. darrenlcarter June 24, 2010 at 10:48 am #

    Hey Jean,

    Great post! Haha, loved the theme of it. I know I'm guilty of granny-blogging a little bit recently…

    Don't tell anyone though :) Keep up the great work!

    Peace,
    Darren L Carter

  50. Katie Tallo June 24, 2010 at 12:36 pm #

    Very fun post but so true too. Some blogs have fantastic content but granny's got hold of the visuals and I get bored just visiting. Heartless yes, but if I wanted to visit granny I would visit granny.

  51. Blog Angel a.k.a. Joella June 24, 2010 at 12:38 pm #

    Oh dear, I'd best be careful! I am after all getting up there and may fall into the granny trap, seeing as how I'm old enough to be one. lol

    Great article, love the tongue-in-cheek approach you used to such great effect. Bravo! I tip my cap to you, Lady Jean!

  52. virginbloggernotes June 24, 2010 at 2:35 pm #

    Hi Vince. I hear you on that learning curve. I fell off it a couple of times! Here's hoping you get things worked out with your regularity issues :)

  53. virginbloggernotes June 24, 2010 at 2:36 pm #

    Hi Louis. No blandness allowed. I expect to see some fiery, peppery posts out of you!

  54. virginbloggernotes June 24, 2010 at 2:37 pm #

    Hi Darren. You are SUCH a granny blogger. Haha. The thought of you as a granny blogger cracks me up. I don't know how granny could keep up on all your adventures! Oh, and your secrets are always safe with me :)

  55. virginbloggernotes June 24, 2010 at 2:40 pm #

    Hi Katie. Yes, sometimes it's like if you read one post and see the image, you've pretty much seen everything on the blog. I think there might be a fear of taking risks behind that, but I'll save my amateur psychology for another day and another post :)

  56. virginbloggernotes June 24, 2010 at 2:43 pm #

    Well, we can be Granny's but we'll be Totally Rockin' Grannies! Instead of the bus to the casino or bingo hall we'll be riding the bus to Awesome City. Okay . . . it appears I may have had a bit too much coffee this morning . . .

  57. Ali (Soulful Body & Mind) June 24, 2010 at 6:29 pm #

    Ha ha! Too funny.

    I love your originality!

    What about Grandpa Hijacked Your Blog??….I'm just saying…

    Thanks for sharing!

    – Ali

  58. Sibyl Chavis June 24, 2010 at 7:24 pm #

    Jean: I was totally laughing out loud when I read this one. Great post and honestly great points as well. Thanks for the enjoyment and there really is nothing like a good laugh especially when you are learning some valuable information.

  59. Louis June 24, 2010 at 9:35 pm #

    Hi Jean,

    Point taken and noted. I am new to blogging and just getting use to it at present.

    – Louis

  60. k0zm0zs0ul June 24, 2010 at 10:57 pm #

    Lmao… too funny Jean. :) You crack me up on a regular basis. And I love your creativity! Not sure Granny has hijacked my blog just yet, unless she's a modern day granny with biker boots and spiked hair or something.. I'm told my blogs a bit goth. lol

    c

  61. Brandon Connell June 25, 2010 at 12:57 am #

    Your post reminds me that we tend to write for mostly newbies to blogging. A lot of this stuff is basics at this point 😉

  62. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 2:41 am #

    Hi Ali. Yeah, Grandpa is probably feeling left out so I guess we'll have to find some blogs for him to hijack too :) Thanks for stopping by!

  63. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 2:44 am #

    Hi Sibyl. Glad you got some laughs. Some days we all need to lighten up, and the day I wrote this was one of those days :

  64. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 2:46 am #

    Hey, I like the sound of Goth Granny. I bet we could make a gazillion dollars if we put a patent on that and sold Barbie-sized dolls and accessories. We could offer (for an additional price, of course) piercing kits and tattoo kits. If this online thing doesn't work out, we'll do that next, K?

  65. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 2:50 am #

    Yeah,blogging is like most other things where, new or experienced, it's the basics that always trip us up because we forget to pay attention to them.

  66. k0zm0zs0ul June 25, 2010 at 2:55 am #

    I'm down.. we can even create Barbie sized Goth Granny bikes, and deck them
    out with skulls and bones… whaddaya think?

  67. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 3:00 am #

    Love it! I smell money! At least I hope that's what I smell :)

  68. k0zm0zs0ul June 25, 2010 at 3:12 am #

    Lol…me too…grannies sometimes have issues in that department. 😉

  69. Nathan Rufus June 25, 2010 at 9:35 am #

    This is one of the best posts I've ever read.

    I've got great info out of it and a laugh to.

    (…Note to self. Must entertain more…)

    The last picture I used on my blog was exactly syrupy sweet.

    It was so scary, I cant really look at it straight in the eye. Trying to keep Granny well away from my place.

    Jean you're a hard worker and have seen you around a lot. Very glad that I came to check out your blog and thanks for this post.

    Reach new heights,

    Nathan

  70. James June 25, 2010 at 12:07 pm #

    Entertaining.

    A blog is the foundation it is up you how advanced you make those features. If your technical you can use “customised fields” in wordpress this is a great feature for coders. Or use more interactive content such as video, audio or other creative means.

    It's how you make your blog interactive that counts.

  71. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 2:17 pm #

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment, Nathan. I really appreciate it. Now you'd better go get Granny away from your blog :)

  72. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 2:17 pm #

    Hi James. Customized fields sounds like something that would give me hives :)

  73. Sarah Loewen June 25, 2010 at 4:24 pm #

    Oh, dear…. Granny has taken over… great (and funny) and analogy – thanks Jean!

  74. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 4:52 pm #

    Hi Sarah. Yeah, we all have to be on the lookout for Granny :) Hope you have a great weekend.

  75. Ashobiz June 25, 2010 at 5:41 pm #

    wow, you have given great keyword for each signs,, great

  76. Tricia June 25, 2010 at 6:26 pm #

    LOL your post title drew me over here. Great post. Yes I think granny might be lurking around one or two of my blogs but I don't think she's taken over yet. I'll have to be on guard for any serious hijacking attempts.

  77. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 7:08 pm #

    Uh oh, better not tell Granny you were lured in here by an enticing headline because we know how she feels about that :) Granny may not be glad you stopped in, Tricia, but I am :)

  78. Arvind Devalia June 25, 2010 at 10:40 pm #

    Jean, I am sure Granny has been to my blog too – I must get some hard core violent images and use less of those sugary images of happy, smiley people:-)

    Great post and very funny – what a wonderful way of making your point!

  79. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 11:09 pm #

    Thanks.

  80. virginbloggernotes June 25, 2010 at 11:13 pm #

    Granny probably snuck into your blog during a World Cup match because she knew she could get by with almost anything then :)

  81. Kaizenvision June 26, 2010 at 3:16 am #

    OMG This is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it – what a fun and funny way to analyze a blog

  82. virginbloggernotes June 26, 2010 at 3:12 pm #

    I have to admit I had a little too much fun writing this :)

  83. sandralee June 26, 2010 at 7:52 pm #

    Oh no! I'm running to check my blog immediately. Oh no! There's a heart on the last post. Oh my goodness! Will it be banned into Grannyland?

    Jean, you have such a terrific energy and great style. Of course I learn from your articles, but the added plus is that I enjoy them too.

    Sending a hug your way…oh no! is that too syrupy?

  84. sandralee June 26, 2010 at 7:52 pm #

    Oh no! I'm running to check my blog immediately. Oh no! There's a heart on the last post. Oh my goodness! Will it be banned into Grannyland?

    Jean, you have such a terrific energy and great style. Of course I learn from your articles, but the added plus is that I enjoy them too.

    Sending a hug your way…oh no! is that too syrupy?

  85. virginbloggernotes June 26, 2010 at 10:41 pm #

    Uh oh, a heart on the last post? That sounds pretty dangerous to me :) I'm glad you're enjoying it here, and I definitely enjoy having you here! We'll risk the hug . . . Granny's eyes aren't the best anymore, so she probably won't catch it :)

  86. Alice June 28, 2010 at 12:05 am #

    Hello Jean,

    Who could not stop and read your post after seeing your headline? I loved your post and had a great laugh too! Thanks for entertaining yet insightful comments! I must admit that I am not as regular as I should be with my blog posting….you caught me. (By the way, I loved your graphic of granny!!!!)

    Laughing all the way,
    Alice McHard

  87. virginbloggernotes June 28, 2010 at 1:00 am #

    Hi Alice. Glad you got snagged by the headline and ended up here :) Good luck with that irregular blog posting issue :)

  88. Maria Rattray July 12, 2010 at 7:29 pm #

    Hi Jean – you have made my day! Oh to have such talent. Think I’ll need to file this away for future reference. Very Clever.

    • Jean Sarauer July 12, 2010 at 11:57 pm #

      This actually was inspired from an A-List conversation, Maria. We were talking about using images in posts, and I used the phrase to describe how a reader would feel if they came to a blog expecting the normal edgy photos and instead found happy smiling people and little puppy dogs. And thus, Granny was born :)

  89. Clara July 15, 2010 at 4:38 pm #

    Yikes, for a minute I felt you were talking about me:) Love it anyway…

    Clara.
    Clara recently posted..“It Matters Not The Size Of My Step As Long As I’m Facing The Right Direction”

    • Jean Sarauer July 15, 2010 at 7:29 pm #

      That’s funny, Clara :) Thanks for stopping in!

  90. Betty Jo July 30, 2010 at 2:07 pm #

    I’m not sure if I want to laugh or cry! I am a granny (Gran my granddaughters call me), but I don’t recall any photos of puppies. Not too sure my posts are salty, savory, or snappy, but perhaps they will get better with practice. One thing I definitely have to work on is a posting pattern. My life is so sporadic right now, it spills over into my post schedule, or lack there of. OK, so I’m laughing. This was really a cute idea and inspiration to remain as young as I feel!!
    Betty Jo recently posted..lizard diet

    • Jean Sarauer July 30, 2010 at 7:06 pm #

      You’re a cool Gran, and I think your posts are excellent. I feel ‘you’ coming through, and that’s what counts more than anything. It takes a while to find our posting rhythm, and even then we all fall out of step now and again. Just don’t let mold or dust grow on your blog or Granny will get it for sure :)

      • Betty Jo July 30, 2010 at 7:15 pm #

        Thank you Jean! So funny you said “mold” or dust, I’m working on a post about mold, mildew, fungus, and inexpensive ways to get rid of them. Now that sounds really exciting, doesn’t it? LOL
        Betty Jo recently posted..lizard diet

  91. Neal - Sax Station September 23, 2010 at 3:04 pm #

    Hey Jean, very funny and useful article!

    Mentioning sporadic articles is one thing I should stay more on top of.

    Thanks!

    -Neal
    Neal – Sax Station recently posted..Tone… on Congas

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. My 15 Favorite Posts For June | Gurls Asylum - June 24, 2010

    […] 7 Signs That Granny Hijacked Your Blog – Here is another awesome post by Jean! This is on her own site, which is a great resource for bloggers. It seems Granny hijacked my blog…so I better get to fixing that ASAP! […]

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